I’ve been a Medical Mom for almost two decades. I’ve learned a lot on purpose and even more on accident. I’m an excellent advocate, researcher, and problem solver. If you know a Medical Mom- or if you are one- you know that sometimes the doctors refer to you for answers. This is because we are invested in our kids and their health. Systems are interconnected in the body- so while the cardiologist specializes in the heart, the neurosurgeon specializes in the brain/ nervous system, and the nephrologist specializes in the kidneys, us Moms- we specialize in our kids and we HAVE to know how things work and interact because our kids’ lives depend on it. I may not have an MD, but I have proposed solutions and offered ideas when it comes to my child’s care.
This makes me 1- valuable and 2- extremely annoying. I ask questions. A lot of questions. I research. Not just Google. I consult medical journals- not just here in the states- but from all over the world. I’ve translated tons of international articles about practices around the globe in search of the most advanced and promising medical break throughs on the planet. Holistic, weird, spiritual, modern, new-age, etc… I can tell you a whole lot and help you learn a whole lot. My kids was never supposed to walk… and he was supposed to be cathing- and having open heart surgery by this time… and here we are. Nowhere near what could have been. God? YES. 100% supported by a Medical Mom that is ALL IN.
I also recognize the emotional trauma associated with being a Medical Mom. After Holly’s back calmed down, I started therapy for PTSD- not just with Holly, but with Taylin and Dani. I’m writing about all of our struggles in Because YES!, but just know that there is a LONG, LONG list of ridiculousness that comes with my testimony. I went through about 8 months of therapy and I’m better, but everyday is a struggle- especially when it concerns health/ wellness.
All this to say that I’m a terrible patient. I ask questions. I want to know who, what, when, where, why, and how much. Yesterday, I had an out of body experience. I know medical billing and the tricks/ deceptions/ lies/ truths/ etc… I cannot stand incomplete answers. Here’s what I know: I am going to owe my $6,7000 out of pocket maximum. I know that. I can pay that 100% if I need to. Right now. But, the hospital demanded that I pay 25% upfront to them. Here’s the deal, though… I might not even owe them. Yes, I’ll be out of pocket. But, it will depend who files with my insurance first. If the doctor files first, then I’ll owe the doctor. If the anesthesiologist files first, I’ll owe them. You see, this isn’t my first rodeo. The estimate is just that- not a bill- an estimate- and it really depends on who files with the insurance first as to where/ who my deductible will need to be paid to. You know how I know? Read the 1st paragraph. 2 decades of fighting. I also know that they do offer a cash price that is significantly lower but nobody wants to talk about that. I also know that they MUST provide you with an itemized statement if you request it. I also know that they have the right to cancel/ reschedule your surgery if you are throwing a fit and need additional time to sort through the details- which I would have done if my father-in-law hadn’t died and I had time to wrap my brain around what was going on.
But, I need this surgery yesterday (literally). I paid my stupid 25% of my deductible even though I have no idea if I will actually owe the hospital that amount. I have no idea what I paid for, but I did have an EKG and a covid test and blood work… and my surgery is scheduled for 7 a.m. tomorrow and I’ll sort through the details later. After Christmas. After New Years. I’m just mad. And, my PTSD is in full effect. And, going back to my psychology master’s degree- I know that I’m in fight or flight (automatic physiological reaction) which I recognize. And, I’m going to insist that everyone calls me Dr. Bernard. I can control that by setting up that expectation from the start. I’ve earned it after all.
But, enough about stupid billing. I can get all worked up about that, but it doesn’t change the fact that I still had to come up with almost $2,000 in less than 24 hours. I’m just so very thankful that I had it in our HSA account. I have more, too. Which is helpful since Holly has to also have surgery in the upcoming weeks on a cyst on her wrist. You see, we’ll be out of pocket- no doubt- but until you get an actual bill, it’s hard to swallow- especially when they cannot say for sure what you’re paying for. Okay, Okay. Enough.
I am blessed. I get to be the first patient on the table tomorrow morning- which is a HUGE blessing. I get to have my surgery during Christmas break so that I can not take off work for the full 6 weeks. My students and colleagues were very generous and have provided meals, gift cards, and gifts that will make this procedure less painful. I had the money in my HSA account. I have more if we need it. I have time to take off of work. Our district gives us Bereavement leave, so I didn’t have to burn PTO for Jason’s dad’s services and our Superintendent hand wrote a sympathy card. Many, many people have poured out love and kindness and extended grace.
I will get myself together and go in with an open mind and a willingness to try to be nice to everyone. I can’t promise to not ask questions, but I’ll try not to call people idiots. And, I realize I just used three negative words in a sentence… #fightorflight #becauseYES #Iamtrying
Commentaires