A “Macaroni Moment” is that moment in woman’s life where she absolutely cannot do anything else but throw a hissy fit. It is the adult version of a temper tantrum. In the mental field, this would be referred to as a “Psychotic Episode.”
We all have them. Some of us handle ourselves with a little more dignity than I am about to disclose to you, but nonetheless, we’ve all been there. If you haven’t had a breakthrough moment, you are either lying to yourself- or it’s coming! Some of us deny our need to totally go bananas and others embrace those moments and know that things do eventually get better.
My first real “Macaroni Moment” came when my oldest daughter was about three years old. My husband and I had been married for four years and I had been feeling like I was supposed to be “Wonder Woman.” I have this preconceived notion that I am supposed to be the good little wife. My house is supposed to be clean, my car kept, supper on the table, etc… It was over a long weekend and by Monday afternoon, my house was a disaster.
There were cans from the football game on Sunday. There were left over chili hot dogs half eaten on Styrofoam plates all through the house and yard. My head was pounding (probably from the choices I had made on Sunday) and the more I picked up and cleaned, the more mad I became. My husband was laying on the couch, drinking his iced tea and my daughter was making an absolute mess in the floor. I began slamming things around and the more I slammed, the more mad I got.
Jason asked, “Can you bring me some Ibprophen?”
Sure honey. I sure can. I did. I always did. Then, I turned around and the dog had thrown up. I was in the middle of middle-class hell. I was the good little wife doing all the good little wife things. I was also a full time teacher and a new mother. I had all these expectations mounting and they just festered until I found myself on the edge.
I should have gone for a drive before I did what I did next, but it just happened. I calmly went to the cupboard and grabbed a box of macaroni and cheese. I said in the loudest teacher voice that I have, “I can live like a pig, too!” I threw open the box of macaroni and began singing, “Mommy’s making a mess… Mommy’s making a mess!!” The whole time, I was slinging macaroni around the living room and kitchen. It was hitting the ceiling, the walls, the fan, the TV. Everything. Then, to make matters worse, I opened the cheese. I said, “I bet the rats would prefer some taste. So, let’s feed them Cheeeeeesssseeeeeeeeee!” I continued to make the biggest mess in the world! You bet your hiney- I made a mess! And, I didn’t care. Not one bit. I don’t even remember being in my body at the moment. I just remember wanting to run away… Far, far away.
So, I did.
I went for a drive and I stayed gone for over an hour. I don’t remember what I thought about when I was driving around. I do not remember where I drove or what made me come back home. I only remember what happened next.
When I came home, I sat in the driveway for a while. I could hear: crrcahrrreallcruncral. It was the crunching sound of macaroni in the vacuum cleaner. I remember it distinctly. I remember putting my head on the steering wheel wondering what I was going to say or how I was going to explain my behavior. I didn’t have a clue- just that I had lost it. I had totally lost my temper, and I was out of control.
My husband did the right thing. He said nothing. I came in and started to scrub the cheese out of every nook and cranny that I had managed to get it in to and we worked together to finish cleaning up not only my mess, but the entire house. Later that evening, he asked, “Do you feel better.” I smiled and said, “Why yes, I do.” That’s how I knew we were going to be okay.
Most people think I have my act together. Most of the time, I do. But, I have moments. “Macaroni Moments” to be exact. Those moments where life just sucks and you lose control. I have learned better coping mechanisms and I can anticipate the moments better now. Life doesn’t stop handing you a hard time as you get older. I promise. In fact, you learn that every day there are more demands and more expectations and more false perceptions that we fall victim to. It’s okay.
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