Mindset

I’m working with a counselor. There. I said it. I’m working on overcoming my PTSD. Yes. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is a real thing. No, I didn’t witness heavy artillery fire and death in Vietnam, but I have been through terrifying events related to the health and well being of my children. My children are safe and healthy at the moment, but I am overly anxious and can be consumed with the thoughts of “what if.” Each one of my children have faced serious medical diagnoses and I continue to re-experience the trauma through intrusive distressing recollections of the events, flashbacks, and nightmares. While the Lord has brought them through the fire, He is still working on me.

My counselor has asked me to pray about the mindset that the Lord would want me to have. I’ve struggled with this. I know a lot about growth mindset and GRIT. What I don’t know is what mindset I should be in to accomplish His will in my life. Every time I pray, I keep coming up with the “Blessings” phrase. I remember a story that my friend told me about how she kept praying, “I will let go until you bless me.” This was actually a story from Genesis 32 about a man named Jacob that wrestled with God. Jacob admits defeat, but not without demanding that there be a blessing through the whole ordeal. Humble reverence. That’s where I’m at.

In Matthew Henry’s commentary, he says, “However tried or discouraged, we shall prevail; and prevailing with Him in prayer, we shall prevail against all enemies that strive with us. Nothing requires more vigour and unceasing exertion than wrestling. It is an emblem of the true spirit of faith and prayer. Jacob kept his ground; though the struggle continued long, this did not shake his faith, nor silence his prayer. He will have a blessing, and had rather have all his bone put out of joint than go away without one.”

So, today, I demand that there be a blessing through all of this. It is hard to see now, but I trust Him and cannot wait to see what He does next in my life.