Yesterday morning we went to church for the first time in months. Holly wasn’t able to attend because she was throwing up. The new medicine she started Friday has really been messing with her, but it is okay. We can deal with a little vomit (that’s easy!). We got dressed and I put on make-up and we found our bibles and off we went. We were right on time and I was super excited about being in my “home.” Until, I saw the parking lot. I drove around the curve and almost hit a guy on a motorcycle as I gasped at the amount of cars in the parking lot. WHAT??? Was it round-up Sunday? Was there a special event? Gasp! I can’t do this!! I cannot go in there with that many people. Thankfully, Jason and I drove separate cars because all of my insecurities were mine alone in that moment. Gasp. People.
I got out of the car and took a deep breath. I knew Taylin and Dani would be watching me. So, I popped a piece of gum in my mouth and tried not to cry. I can do ALL things…. right? I can people. I love those people. I miss those people. But, I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to answer questions or have a conversation. I just want to worship. Not people.
We entered the building almost without seeing anyone. I hugged Cody. I miss him. He’s a good person. I remember when he played Santa- grew out his beard, loved the kids… He’s the only Santa Taylin liked last year. Okay. One people down. Open the doors… Friendly faces, smiling faces, music… FULL HOUSE. Where can we find 4 seats in a row? All the way to the left, 2nd row. Got it! Making our way there, I look down and pretend that Taylin is talking to me so that I avoid eye contact. Mission accomplished. I take my seat and in front of us, Taylin’s baseball coach says, “Good morning!” Morning! Someone pats me on the back, says, “We’ve been praying for y’all!” We hug. Debbie walks in through the side door. She makes a B-line for me and hugs me. She tells me she loves me. I chew my gum harder, trying not to cry. I hear, “Good morning! Welcome to Lane Prairie!” Whew. Let’s get started.
Oh man. I forgot that the first thing we do is to welcome each other. Jason calls that the “ambush hour.” It is my fault. I usually jump out of the pew and hug anyone within the area. Gosh, I love those people. Every single one of them. I froze. I stood up and shook hands with the people around me and tried to be incognito. Then, Brother Ricky saw us and came over. Good. I handed him a Thank-You card and thankfully the music started. We sang. I sang kinda loud. Dani put her arm around Taylin – almost like she liked him- and my heart was full and I was still trying not to cry.
I was looking around at the ladies in the choir, the song leaders, the people in the pews. Man, I’ve missed these people. “Grace, Grace, God’s Grace….” YES! I am all in. Then, the announcements… so many people hurting and struggling with so much. The last two announcements are thank you cards- the second one being ours. I had written them a few weeks ago, so it had the line, “We can’t wait to worship with you again!” Brother Ricky said, “And they’re here today!” Everyone did a little clap and then we prayed. Whew. They know how much we appreciate their prayers, thoughts, calls and texts. They know I love them.
Taylin sits on my lap, flips through the Bible, sits on Jason’s lap, goes to the restroom, draws a picture, sits back on my lap. Church is hard. I hear a baby crying and I smile because I know there’s another mom struggling, too. It’s okay though. We are making it. The sermon was terrific- about how God is all we need… truth. Easy invitation follows, more announcements and then the dismissal song where everyone holds hands. The lady next to me doesn’t hold anyone’s hand and it was a little weird, so I put my hand on her back. Song ends and I say, “Have a great week!”
We exit quickly and I do the same “look at Taylin” trick… I want to hug everyone, but my anxiety is greater than my desire to hug… I’ll get there, but not today… So we go to lunch. Whew. Made it.
Today, I’m going back to work. It’s going to be people-ly. Tomorrow, the students come back and it will be even more people-ly. I love my people. Really, I do. I am an extrovert and I love people. I love hugs. I love talking and visiting. It’s just that there is so much on my heart still. Holly has 5 appointments today. She has to drive herself to each one- back and forth to Fort Worth from 8-3 today. And, she wasn’t feeling good at all yesterday. Dani has to bake her cakes and I have a few errands to run after work. I have no idea what I’m teaching (besides kids) and I really don’t know what has been going on at school since October 22nd. But, it’s okay. The people that I will see today love me. They have proved that over and over. I’ll get hugs and they will be welcomed. I’ll be glad that I’m there, even if the thought of all the people is overwhelming.
You guys, our people love us. We need people that love us and it is good to love people. These same people are the ones who are on their knees in prayer when we can’t pray for ourselves. They are the ones to step in and offer dinner, who help with our kids, who encourage us. And guess what? When our people need us, we are the first to bow our heads, bring dinner to others and look for ways to help. Because they are our people. And we love them. So, yes. Yes, I am anxious about all the people-ing I will do today, but I also am excited to see my people! Let’s do this!
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