Everyone used to say, “God chose you to be Taylin’s mom.” Man, that stung. I was tired of hearing that. “God chose you to be Holly’s mom.” “God chose you to be Dani’s mom.” Ugh. The medical trauma my family has endured in the last 18 years has been exponential. If I were to explain all of the hospital visits, surgeries, doctor’s visits, and medicine that has entered this home, you may even call me a liar. The truth is that every moment has led to total submission to God’s plan for our lives and the revealing of promises that have never failed. Today, I’ve had one of those moments where God himself showed up and without doubt, showed himself in a way that was not only recognized, but so real that it is hard to explain.
You see, my family has been plagued by medical issues. Most significantly, eight years ago, my son was born with Spina Bifida. The doctors said he’d never sit, stand, or walk. Promise. I have a note from a human physician saying that he’s “prepared the family for the imminent consequences of Spina Bifida.” I had a friend who shared with me Genesis 32: 26-29. Jacob was wrestling with God. He insisted that “I will not let go unless you bless me.” Jacob was seriously wrestling with God himself and recognized that he was engulfed in a battle that he could not win. Yet, he had faith that the very thing he was wrestling against could indeed bless him. You see, it was mercy that led me to the place where I was desperate enough to insist on what I needed most- God.
It has not been an easy battle. Satan knows that my weakness is harm to my kids. I fall flat on my face- literally and metaphorically- every time my children are injured or face illness. What I have learned, though, is to lay them at the foot of the cross. In fact, I visualize myself laying them on the altar at the foot of the cross. Strange thing, though. Every visualization I have includes Jesus there receiving them from my arms into His. Most of the time, He picks both of us up into His arms.
Today, though, I was in the hot tub for the 7th time this year. Literally. It is one of my most favorite things in the world to do. I love sitting in the hot tub in the snow. There is something purifying, warm, and magical about watching the snow fall all around. Today, as the wind would blow, snow would penetrate the patio and fall on me like glitter. I could honestly feel God’s presence saying, “How do you like this?” It was magical. I would just about catch my breath, and another wind gust would blow more snow off the roof and into the hot tub area of my patio- only this time from a different direction. I giggled like a school girl- out loud and unashamed. My husband came to check on me. I explained as best as I could that I was receiving God’s blessing! I can feel it. I feel it in my bones. From all directions. I know that God is previewing His promises for my life. I don’t have to wonder what they’ll be. He has already shown me that He is all I will ever need and that He is all that we should desire. All things from here on out are just manifestations of those things in which He wants me to have.
The truth is that God’s love is magic. Thankfulness, gratitude, and humble admiration for all that He has done will bring joy unimaginable. I now see that, YES! Yes, I was born to be Taylin’s mom. And Holly’s. And Dani’s. I was also born to share His goodness, mercy, and love to everyone and everything I have the opportunity to talk to. Like the snow falling off the roof, in all directions, without reservation, it is all around. You have to be willing to accept and receive the blessings- from all directions. It’s magic!
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