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Surrender

I know… I know… we need another dog like we need a hole in the head. Let me explain. I am a person of my word. I am not quick to commit to something unless I am most certain that I can and will make it happen. I don’t RSVP because we have learned the hard way not to make plans. Shoot, I don’t even make hotel reservations for vacations. Seriously. I wish that I could chalk it all up to being spontaneous, but the reality is that we have experienced an exponential amount of disappointment around cancelled plans. We’ve had huge vacations, parties, and renovations planned in the past. It seemed for several years that if we planned it, some major life catastrophe, or diagnosis, or something tragic would prevent us from doing whatever it was that we were “supposed” to be doing. So, here’s where the story of my surrender begins.

I’ve been a Christian as long as I can remember. I was baptized in the Bruceville Baptist Church following a church camp where I decided to follow Jesus- down by the creek. I prayed the prayer, did all the things, and followed in believer’s baptism- just like the Bible instructs us to. I’ve always known that I am a child of God, even if I haven’t always acted in a way that brought glory to Him. I still don’t always. I’m a sinner. BUT… when Holly was little, she went through a series of pneumococcal infections. It was 11 o’clock one evening when the doctor called and said that Holly was septic and that she was meeting us at the hospital. The doctor asked if she needed to send an ambulance. That was a dark time for us. We were in and out of the hospital 3 different times with her and I still remember Barney visiting us with full Personal Protective Equipment (PPE). I remember being afraid. I remember praying and trusting that everything was going to be okay. And it was, but we had to cancel MANY things during her toddler times.

So then, there was Dani. At seven weeks old, Dani quit breathing in my arms. I performed CPR for about 15 minutes on the way to the hospital while Jason drove 100 mph. Like, my parents called 911 and we had a police escort because we just didn’t have time to pull over for an ambulance. It was the day after Christmas. That morning, we almost lost Dani. Once she stabilized, the Teddy Bear Transport from Cook’s came down to Waco to get her and I made the mistake of riding in the ambulance on the way back to Ft. Worth. Traffic was terrible and all I could hear was the two men in the back working on my infant. She recovered, but the next two years were full of ridiculous times for us. She would have fevers, hospitalizations, etc… again, prayers and specialists tried to find an answer to so many questions. Come to find out, she had a swallowing disorder and was aspirating on thin liquids. So, we thickened up her liquids and voila- she started to get well and stay well. Yay! Still then, we were cancelling outings, trying to make plans, and under unbelievable stress.

Then, there was Taylin. All my life, I have wanted a boy. We weren’t expecting Taylin, much less the news that he was a boy. The day he was born was frightful- as he decided to come a month early. He came out perfect (tiny), but perfectly fine. Until, later that day when the doctor came in and pointed out the hole in his back. He said it was a sacral dimple that needed to be checked out, but “Try not to worry.” Our pastor was in the room when we heard this and after the doctor walked out he said, “Well, we’re just going to give that to God.” And, we prayed. And, the next week, we went to the pediatrician who had already set into motion the “next steps.” Then, it started… Taylin’s first surgery was at two weeks old. We spent 9 days in the hospital and EVERY single time someone came in, it was a different, more terrifying diagnosis. Heart. Spine. Kidneys. Bladder. Lipomas. I just cannot explain. And it continued for months.

Two defining moments transpired. The day before Taylin’s major spinal surgery, we were in church and as they were laying hands on us, I saw myself placing Taylin at the foot of the cross. On my knees. Laying him at the foot of Jesus. Full surrender. Taylin did great and against all odds, he made tremendous progress from that day forward. There was one other time. It was when I finally allowed myself to make plans to attend a company gathering weekend with Jason in Houston. Taylin spiked a huge fever and we were admitted to the hospital there. I came home and took off my watch, quit my job, and just stopped. I stopped time. I stopped my life and threw my entire focus onto my family. I trusted in His provisions and for three years, we quit planning anything, we learned to trust Him, and I believe that I learned to listen to His voice.

Okay, Tina… so what does this have to do with a dog?? Well, two weeks ago today- exact to the day- Taylin was on his bike with training wheels. He was wobbly. He was scared to ride his bike and it appeared that he was incapable of the core strength needed to ride a bike. I LET FEAR sneak back in. For a minute. I mean, the doctors said he’d never sit, stand, or walk. To ride a bike? It’s okay, mom… calm down. It’s just a bike. But, for months he has been asking for a dog. I gave him two conditions: One: Learn to ride a bike without training wheels. Two: Sleep in your own bed for two solid weeks. That night, he slept in his bed and no kidding- that very day, Holly’s boyfriend took off his training wheels and they taught him to ride his bicycle. Two weeks ago today, despite my doubt and fear, Taylin demonstrated what is possible with God.

So, this dog represents faith. This dog is a reminder to always trust that He is in control and never to underestimate what Taylin (or any child) CAN do! I didn’t plan this, but this dog is proof that I am a person of my word because I know more than anyone that we don’t NEED another dog. What we all need, though, is faith… and Jesus.

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